A walk I didn't want to take

The long drive home last night from Sahuarita and my mind would not stop taking walks down memory road. I couldn't sing loud enough to get all of the thoughts out of my mind. I couldn't drive fast enough to get home. My mind was dead set on the past... four years!

First thought was...
my puppies, oh how i miss them. No matter what each time I walked through that door their tails would wag (their tails where like whips... they could give you welts!) and Shelby would make this noise like she was crying and Bluzie couldn't contain herself. It didn't matter how my day went or how their day went. It didn't matter if I yelled this morning or took them out for a walk. I was home and for them it was just the greatest! It was the BEST welcome home EVER! I remember the days when I would get annoyed by Bluize jumping on me and Shelby crying. I just can't believe I took those days for granted.
It took me along time after they left to not come home and go directly to the sliding glass door and I opened it to nothing, no puppies, no manic Bluzie, no whinny Shelby. I would squat down by the sliding glass door, bury my head in my hands and just hope all of it was a dream and any minute they would come through the door. To some this must sound so silly but to me they were my babies, I loved and cared for them with everything I had.

Then my marriage...
Sometimes as much as I hate to say this I miss Michael. It is sometimes hard to not think about the past and the plans that we had together. I know that I wasn't the best girl for him and vice versa. I do miss coming home to him in his boxers and white shirt video game controller in hand and dogs in lap! It is hard for me to deal sometimes... I even find myself questioning the choice we made even though I know with my whole heart is was the "right" choice.
Did I rush
Did I not give enough
I jumped heart first and I lost my head, but it felt so so good!!!

I wonder if I could have done more or if only I would have known what I know now. We were both to stubborn for are own good. he was my future, my best friend and now we are each others nothing...
I still remember the day I was arm-n-arm with my dad walking straight forward looking into Michael's eyes. Surrounding by my friends and family, holding tight to Michael's hands I said I DO to the man I loved!
My marriage was defeated despite all attempts... sleepless nights, puffy eyes, joy, pain, love, laughter, it ended in defeat.

that is life and I do feel stronger and I have learned a ton about myself. I know I will still get weepy on long drives home when i look back on the past but I now have learned to learn from the past, live in the present and look forward to the future. Life is hard but the most amazing thing is you are in charge of your happiness. You have CONTROL, i have control!!!

Keep the inspiration rolling!!!!

take a 10- 30 minute walk every day. and while you walk, SMILE!

Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day… buy a lock if you have to

When you wake up in the morning complete the following statement
My purpose is to today.

Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants. Eat less food that is manufactured.

Drink plenty of water.

Try to make at least three people smile each day.

Don't wast your precious energy on gossip, energy vampires, issues of the past, negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.

Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a college kid with a maxed out charge card.

Life isn't fair, but it's still WONDERFUL!

Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

Don't take yourself so seriously.

You don't have to win every argument, agree to disagree.

Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.

Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

Frame every so called disaster with these words: In five years will this matter.

Forgive everyone for everything.

What other people think of you is none of your business.

Look Up... not down. Look forward... not back.

God and Kerry Lynn's cookies heal everything

However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your family and friends will, stay in touch.

Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

Each night before you go to bed complete the following statements: I am thankful for... Today I accomplished...

Remember that you are too blessed to be stressed.

True Inspiration

I truly don't have the words to describe what I am feeling inside. As tears poor down my face my heart aches and also is over joyed with hope, love, compassion and life.


Please go read...


http://nieniedialogues.blogspot.com/





Life is wonderful!

Pumpkin Carving

Brian and I

Fun times...

Camping in the rain 10-10-08

Brian and I wanted to go on a quick, fun and inexpensive weekend trip in October. We picked Parker Canyon Lake Tucson, Arizona which is about an hour drive from my casa. I had never been to Parker Canyon Lake and I was very excited to go. I thought I would be able to get a little sun on my legs while we fished. Well that wouldn't be the case!

We headed down Friday late afternoon and our friends Andy and Maylee were going to be meeting us there on Saturday. The drive down was so beautiful, the rolling hills, the long grass swaying in the wind and the big beautiful blue clear skies. With the windows rolled down singing along to our favorites songs, it was so wonderful and refreshing! As we got closer to the lake the road got a little rough and the sky started to get dark. I got the chance to see wild turkeys. You would not believe how excited I got. I looked at Brian with my hands in the air and keep saying "THOSE ARE WILD TURKEYS!, DID YOU SEE THE WILD TURKEYS?"I almost had Brian pull over so I could take a picture but with the sky getting dark and rain was moving in, so we tracked on.

We made it to the lake just in time to find a campsite and set up our tent before the rain started up. Brian and I are not the most experienced campers and we don't have all the nessacary items that most campers have. We had a tent that I borrowed from my parents for a camping trip we took in March to Mt. Lemon that I had not returned! Well that lovely tent isn't the greatest in the elements... like rain! Even with the rain cover on the tent was leaking. The plans that we had for this glourious trip never involved rain!!! BUT WE GOT RAIN!!!

Our food needed to be cooked by campfire. thank goodness we had snacks, which became our dinner! We were held up for the night in our tent. I read mens fitness to Brian... It was about Forest Griffin (we love him). Brian can read just so every one knows. I just didn't want to be sitting there counting rain drops and I also wanted to read the article so why not make it story time. I manage to fumble my way through the big words and story time was a success. So with wet toes and a restless night of sleep in our forecast we snuggled together for a fun night.

The next day wasn't much better... RAIN... Drizzle... mist... rain...wind. No fishing, a little hike and found out from other campers more rain was on its way. So looking at Brian i said you are really handsome and i love being around you but 48 hours in a tent just didn't sound like fun. We packed up and headed into town to met Andy and Maylee. We broke the news that we were done with camping... ate warm food, tasted wine and headed home. We will have to try it again.

Playing "catch up and rubber buns"

I am running a month behind on posting the happenings in my life but I want to post pictures along with my blogs and I lost the cord to the camera to the computer. Not having that cord adds a couple of stops and a extra steps to my day.

I wonder what I am going to do when I have kids? how do all those moms do it!!!